Becoming and being a sub

Periodically, people come into my DMs on Twitter asking me how they get to serve Princess Miki. I would hesitate to call myself an expert on this particular topic as I do think sometimes what can make a relationship work, any relationship really, is probably intangible and differs from sub to sub. But I thought it might be interesting to put together a list of observations which may help when one is looking to serve not just Princess Miki, but also any Domme. This list is certainly not exhaustive and by its very nature, is only what I have learnt from my own experience, observations, and discussions, but hopefully it may help.

  • Firstly, make sure this is for you: Self-knowledge is important here. Submission can be something that is an integral part of your life or it may be that it is a kink. If it is the latter, and there is nothing wrong with that, serving someone is almost certainly not for you. Servitude is something you need to feel in your soul. Something that once you start you can’t go back.
  • Maintain your self-respect and know your limits: this is a tricky one because many of us like to be degraded and humiliated, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But always be aware of where you would draw the line. Talking to your Domme will help with negotiating and understanding where this line is. Don’t feel you have to lose your self-respect for this to work. In fact, I would say, perhaps counter-intuitively, it is possible to find your self-respect, if you are someone who struggles with that, by embracing and acknowledging who you are.
  • Be patient and think long-term: Don’t expect the relationship to get off the ground straight away. It is important to be patient and put the hours into it, so trust and understanding can be built between the two of You/you. This will lead to a genuine relationship and I promise you will feel Her in your heart. In the end if you aren’t prepared to put the hours in it’s probably not for you.
  • Make Your Domme part of Your everyday life: Make her the centre of your world. Be self-sufficient and build your day around worshipping Her. Think of ways that might make that easier: build a shrine, tweet about Her, write about Her.
  • ….but don’t expect to be at the centre of Her world: Remember she has a private life as well as a number of other subs. Remember you are but a small cog in Her empire. Never forget Your insignificance and make the most of your interactions with Her. Treat those moments with the honour and the privilege they deserve.
  • Always treat Her with the utmost respect: This probably goes without saying but I get the impression that some don’t remember this. Dommes put a lot on the line and come in for a lot of social opprobrium and we should always be grateful that they do this despite all of that.
  • Which comes to gratitude: Always show your gratitude. Continually show how grateful you are, both financially and in how you conduct yourself with Her, for what She is doing –  It takes a lot of trust to do what She does and She will probably have to deal with a lot of abusive behaviour on a daily basis.
  • Spread the word: If you are on social media, help Her to spread the word about Her clips, how She makes You feel. Speak from the heart.
  • Take a break from social media: but always make sure you do this. Twitter can truly rot your brain.
  • Don’t make Her micro-manage you: I feel this goes on quite a lot and I think it is probably understandable early on, when you are perhaps new to this world, and are unsure of how it everything works in this world. Think of ways to be proactive, if you are genuinely right for this world, for Her, this will eventually come very easily.
  • Don’t judge yourself against other subs: if You are meant to serve Her You will develop Your own unique relationship with Her.
  • …and don’t try to be like other subs: Your relationship will be far more rewarding if You are yourself.
  • So be yourself: it is quite possible You have come to Her because You feel like you are continually wearing a mask in your everyday life. Don’t swap that mask for another one: be your true authentic self. Honesty with Her and with yourself is so important and you will get so much more out of the relationship. It will bring real depth and meaning to you and hopefully to Her.
  • Be open to new things: while it is important to know your limits, it is equally important to be open to new things. Be prepared to explore both your sexuality and identity. Who knows what you might find out about yourself?

2 thoughts on “Becoming and being a sub

  1. Thank You for sharing Abby! I always wanted to ask You questions but hesitated as I didn’t know if I would be breaking any rules or You might get offended.

    Like

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