Reprogramming Via Ruined Orgasm (12m 25s)
This is a review, but it is also a (true) story.
When I first began to serve Princess Miki, I told Her that I had long held a fantasy to suck cock. Why hadn’t I done this? Well, I think for many years, I had considered myself straight, and so had no real desire to do it.
Or at least I didn’t think I did.
But as the years passed, and I became more open-minded with regards to my sexuality, this was definitely something that, increasingly, I fantasised about doing.
Now, perhaps unlike other people, who have generally considered themselves straight and then become excited by the possibility of sucking cock, my main problem was not a squeamishness around actually doing the deed; my main problem, as with so many things in my life, was social anxiety. Meeting new people is not something I relish, and the prospect of sucking that stranger’s cock is, I can assure you, a sure-fire way for that anxiety to reach hither to uncharted levels, and for the familiar discomfort and self-loathing that has plagued me for all my adult life, to rear its ugly head. I mean, I can’t deny sucking a stranger’s cock is an incredibly exciting thought, it’s just the actual meeting them: that’s the tough part.
During my initial months serving Princess Miki, we had spoken about the prospect of doing this, and I can’t deny that although my own desire to do this was battling my anxiety, my desire to please Her made it inevitable that I would. Pleasing Her had by this time, become as important to me as breathing. And I knew, from our discussions, that She would be pleased.
To help me She sent a short audio, which I listened to in bed, or when out walking, fantasising of the day, I could get on my knees and suck cock. And I think being on my knees to do it was extremely important to me. I believe my desire to do this, was very much rooted in my love of BDSM and in particular the thought of submission. I’m not sure, it would have been quite the same experience otherwise.
Also, I practiced most nights, with increasingly larger dildos, and I sent Her short videos and pictures. If anxiety was a problem, being unprepared certainly was not going to be. If he had an eight-inch rigid, hard cock, that made me choke as he forced it down my throat, I was going to be prepared to Olympian levels.
So, anyway at the start of this year, Princess Miki said that She intended to take a month off, and I think we both felt, that this seemed to be a good time to do it. From my perspective, it seemed like a fantastic going away present, and also a way to mark the end of the beginning of Our/our relationship. It was a way of putting a line under this period and starting the next phase of my servitude.
She even mentioned it on Twitter, which certainly had the effect of upping the stakes.
Now, I had already joined Grindr, and had even begun chatting with some people on there. In fact, at one point I was extremely close to meeting someone, but the timing turned out to poor, and in the end it didn’t happen.
But that weekend, in early January, I decided, with some encouragement from Princess Miki, that I was going to do it. My Saturday was relatively free, and I had little else I needed to do, so I got onto Grindr and put myself out there. To be honest, as the first couple of hours passed, I was not hopeful. One would think that with my almost pathological shyness, doing this anonymously would be ideal. I wish I could say that was the case, but unfortunately it wasn’t. I really found it hard to engage with other people on there
However, around late afternoon, early evening, and with, I guess, people looking for something to do with their Saturday evenings, things began to pick up. And out of the blue someone sent me pictures of himself. The pictures suggested he had just got out of the shower, and I think it was safe to say he was a little more experienced than I was at this. I shared a fairly blurry and to his initial disappointment, unexplicit picture of myself and I was worried it was not going to happen.
But perhaps his need for someone to give him a blowjob, meant that he felt he couldn’t be too picky, and so, he suggested we meet up. Neither of us were going to be able to “host” (I was learning new terms as well), so we had to find somewhere. And this was where my naivety was thrown into sharp relief. I was very much being guided by his, I assumed, greater experience, and he suggested we should meet at up at either an outdoors location and presumably do it in one of the cars, or at a place he named, that initially I didn’t recognise. My naivety, or perhaps stupidity was so great, I thought he was talking about meeting at a nightclub. A nightclub to suck cock? Hmmm. This felt a little out of my comfort zone.
So, I initially went for the former option. Luckily, before that arrangement could be finalised, my brain finally caught up and I realised he was suggesting the local Adult Store. Of course!! They’d have places where you could do this sort of thing. I do look back upon this with a measure of embarrassment, but also some pride, as not many people can say their first time was in their local Adult Store.
So, off I raced, excitement and trepidation coursing through my veins, not really knowing what the hell I was doing. I arrived and messaged him, and he told me to meet him inside. In the Store a young woman was serving a middle-aged woman in an incredibly friendly and familiar manner, which only seemed to exacerbate my nerves. I rather furtively walked around the store, trying if at all possible, to make everyone forget I was there.
And my date was nowhere to be seen.
However, within what was probably a couple of minutes, but which felt like several lifetimes, he arrived and like me began to look, while not really looking at all, at the various DVDs and other products available.
And still the two women chatted on.
My limited experience of Adult Stores was one of acute embarrassment and limited eye contact, but these two seemed to be incredibly comfortable and with little prospect of their conversation ending.
My date sidled up to me, looking nearly as uncomfortable as me, and said that once these two had stopped talking we will go and pay. “Go and Pay”. What exactly we were paying for, was still a little unclear. Eventually the conversation ended, and the middle-aged woman left the store and I followed him up to the counter. He paid, and then walked off. I then did the same and walked in the general direction of where he had headed, but he seemed to have disappeared. There were a couple of doors on either side of me, which seemed to lead to booths (glory holes? I really didn’t know. I was out of my depth) and one in front of me. I plumped for that one, and the door opened into a small porn theatre. Thankfully, there was no one, other than him, there.
He stood to my left at the back of the room, already inhaling poppers and getting himself ready. I dropped to my knees and began to unbutton his pants. This was it!! I took his cock in my hand and began to jerk him off, asking him if it felt good. I was very much leaning on the sort of things I had heard porn stars say in similar circumstances. He asked if he could sit down, which he did, and then I took his cock into my mouth.
Now, as I said earlier, I had diligently prepared myself for a cock that measured somewhere north of six inches, possibly up to nine. Suffice to say, this was not that big. I was in little danger of feeling him in the back of my throat and gagging.
Despite the shock of his (lack of) size, I was sucking with, what I’m sure lacked something in technique, but certainly made up for in enthusiasm. He seemed to be really enjoying it and all I could think of was Princess Miki, imagining Her gently putting her hand on the back of my head, encouraging me all the time. In what seemed no time at all, he had cum in my mouth, and as per his earlier request on Grindr, I swallowed and, I can’t deny, proudly widened my mouth as proof.
And that was it. I awkwardly thanked him, he did likewise, and then I left.
There was some talk on Grindr, later that evening, of the two of us meeting up again and perhaps him fucking me at some point, but the busyness of my weekends in the subsequent month, and then with Covid-19 and how that has changed our lives, means, to this date, this is the only cock I’ve sucked.
But still I had done it and, as you can imagine, I excitedly relayed the news to Princess Miki, who was both happy and proud of what I had done.
So, to “Reprogramming via Ruined Orgasm”….
When I first started serving Princess Miki, I immediately went into chastity. And by the time I came home from my adventure, I had maintained this for 248 days. She had promised me that if I went through with it and if I and wanted to, She would permit me to jerk off. However, there were two conditions: One, I had to ruin it; and two, I had to eat it.
So, when I got home, I went through my collection of Her clips, determined to spend a glorious evening, jerking off to some of my favourites. That though is when I found or maybe re-found “Reprogrammed via Ruined Orgasm”. This just seemed too perfect, too appropriate for this occasion. Like I had specifically commissioned it for just this moment. And this was the first, and as it turned out only clip of Hers, I watched that evening.
I think, perhaps oddly, chastity and ruined orgasms, have some similarities. It is the willingness to forgo your enjoyment to please somebody else, allowing them to dictate your pleasure. Just the thought of it now makes me feel rather breathless and giddy.
The clip itself is just one of the most hypnotising and erotic things I have ever experienced.
From the first line, that She utters, “If you are joining me today, I assume you have gone a long time without having an orgasm”, to the hypnotising images that light up the screen, this is one of my very favourite clips, and just what I needed at that moment. It illustrates more eloquently than I could ever manage, what serving Her, when it comes to sacrifice and obedience, has come to mean for me.
Every line seems to describe my life: my love of obedience, my desire to please Her, my need for my brain to rewired. I have eroticised selflessness, obedience, and the need to be her good girl to the point where this need preoccupies every minute of my waking hours
And, as I’ve said before, it’s the incredible intimacy She manages to create. It feels like She’s right there with you, coaxing you, full of encouragement to do this for Her, make this “sacrifice”, because She means so much more than any short term pleasures can ever bring you.
Her voice: slow, quiet, soothing, full of understanding is so erotic. Re-watching it, I, once again, remember, why I love chastity, but more than that, why I want to make Her happy, why I love the sacrifice. Her happiness and Her pleasure have become my life; if I didn’t have that anymore, what would my life be? Looking into Her eyes as I followed Her instructions remains the most erotic experience I will ever have. She is my sex life.
So yes, I ruined it and yes there was a lot, and yes, I ate every last drop.
I could not have been happier.