This is not really a review as such. It is more of a post about my reaction to the clip after watching it. Suffice to say, I think it will prove to be an important moment in my servitude of Princess Miki.
First some background:
One of the first things a sub needs to address when starting to serve a Domme is how you should address Her. Of course, this must ultimately be Her decision, but if you are fortunate, as I was, then She will not only give You a few options but one of those options will be your preferred choice.
This was certainly the case with me when I asked Princess Miki how I should address Her, during O/our initial conversation after I had been accepted as one of Her subs.
Over the years, as I had become more and more fascinated and excited by the idea of serving a Domme, I had always loved the word “Mistress”. To my mind, it seemed to perfectly sum up so much about how I felt about women and what my relationship had come to mean with them.
I believe I mentioned in a previous post that I have always put women on a pedestal, and I think that may be in part, why my relationships with them have always failed: in the end I just didn’t feel I was worthy of any of them. Relationships are difficult enough without the added issue of one party not really feeling worthy of it.
So, using Mistress felt so right. It seemed to contain the correct amount of respect, reverence and humility that summed up how I felt when I embarked upon my relationship with Princess Miki. And to be honest my instinct was correct: I have never felt that I wanted to change the way I addressed Her, because “Mistress” seemed to be enough. In fact, it was more than enough: it felt perfect.
However, I can’t deny that when Princess Miki started releasing “Mommy” clips, it made me think back to so much of what I wanted from serving a Domme and it struck me how much I loved the idea of calling Her “Mommy”.
But I had my reservations. I don’t think that this had much to do with the taboo nature of the word, although that may have been a small part of it. I think I was just reluctant to let “Mistress” go. As I say, it felt so perfect and the last thing I wanted was to start calling Princess Miki “Mommy”, only to feel the need to change back to Mistress, upon realising I had made a grave mistake and Mommy didn’t really sum up O/our relationship.
So, I waited and continued to call Her Mistress, and was more than happy to do that.
The last few months have been an incredibly important period for me. The nature of my servitude to Princess Miki feels like it has been changing rapidly, as my understanding of what it means to serve Her has come into sharper and sharper focus. And in that period O/our relationship has, and I suppose this is inevitable over time, developed more and more of an understanding and with that has come more and more intimacy.
There is an ease and closeness to O/our interactions now, which would have surprised me even a few months ago. Our sessions are wonderfully easy and constantly surprising, changing from one moment to the next, allowing us both to feel relaxed and to enjoy the moments we share together.
So, Mistress, which once felt completely appropriate, no longer felt quite right. It felt a little formal, too distant, and no longer summed up where I felt O/our relationship was.
In many ways Mommy felt like the logical next step, but I still had my reservations. Yes, I suppose, the taboo nature of the word was part of it, but not a significant one. I think my reservations stemmed from a few areas.
Firstly, the word “Mommy” itself. This is a word I have never previously used. Although I no longer live there, I am actually British and as far as I’m aware, irrespective of what part of the UK you come from, Mommy is not widely used, or indeed used at all. Mummy tends to be the term used.
Also, I think I worried that the term may infantilise my relationship with Her. Although there is a definite and accepted power dynamic between us, it is certainly a relationship between two adults, and I didn’t want that to change in any way. I still wanted to be Her slut; still wanted to continue to enjoy O/our sessions in the same (adult) way I always had.
But in the end, I needn’t have worried: in many ways it has enhanced O/our relationship.
And this clip was the one that made me realise that I had to do it.
What has surprised me is how easy it has been. I guess I assumed that I would fall into old habits and continue to call Her “Mistress”. But instead calling Her Mommy has felt incredibly natural. As Princess Miki Herself says, while I didn’t officially call Her Mommy, in many ways She has been my Mommy for a little while now.
And I also wonder whether the fact that I am saying “Mommy” instead of “Mummy” has helped in some way. It has, to some degree, allowed me to retain some distance from the taboo side of the word, allowed me to enjoy the fact that She is my Mommy, without the nagging doubts which the taboo part of it may engender. Maybe, I’m not sure.
In the end though, I think the most significant part of all of this, and this is only something I have realised subsequently, is that this whole process, becoming Abby, and finding my true self has been like a rebirth. And in the end, there is only one Mommy who has been responsible for that, and I am proud to call Her my Mommy and now She will always be that, always be the one who made Abby possible and so will always be my Mommy.